Let us count the changes.

1. Jim bought a house & we moved.
2. They cancelled my project and I'm job-hunting.
3. I am being much more open about my creativity. Like this journal.
4. With Pauline's help I have completely changed my 'look'. What that means is that I have a bunch of new clothes and I now look like your average well-paid twenty-something hip girl, rather than like a scared kid hiding under her oversized clothing hoping desperately nobody will notice she's a girl. The reactions I've been getting have been -- intense.
5. Half of my women's group is leaving (moving, etc.).
6. My hair is blonde. Not on purpose, just because I have been bleaching it and dyeing it various bright colours, and the last dye job was in March and by now it has all washed out. But I am, well, blonde. Except for the roots. This is combining with the new clothing to produce some even more surprising reactions.

I feel very sad and tired, among other things, and I'm not sure why. I think it's because people have been reacting to me so strongly all day, especially during the nice lunch I had, and somehow it's just very tiring to have everyone react to me. I think this is about being seen. I think not-hiding leads pretty directly to being seen, and people are in fact seeing me and reacting to what they see, and that is why so much of this day has been is exhilarating and scary and exhausting and saddening all at once. But then, I might be wrong.

The happiest angora kitten in the world is curled up in my lap giving herself a bath. I think I am going to lie on the couch and put her on top of me and perhaps take a nap.